I am.

Lately I’ve been falling asleep listening to something to help drown out the noise of my toddler getting out his second and third wind. Being a active father working the graveyard shift often leaves our schedules on the same path of naps, stimming and bed. I’m brimming with hysterical laughter while the bags get heavier. I’m carrying groceries on my eyelids.

Anywho, Neville Goddard — A recent obsession I recently learned about on Spotify has been helping me render myself in and through the fog. Sometimes I find myself harming my creativity because I’m not actively attesting to being present in whatever “struggle” I’m apart of.

I am living. I am creating. I am doing things that make myself proud and will make future me proud.

I took a walk with family in nature. I’ve spent more time being a functioning member of society versus just wishing I was. I’ve been doing more rather than complain, wish and manage to gaslight myself out of the flow. Sometimes It’s exhausting to exist in a constant state of survival albeit your own doing and just stopping to openly accept this for me has taken a giant load off of my limited understanding of what life is.

Life is a culmination of decisions. Those decisions create more decisions to test the limits of what you understand about what you just decided on and so on and so fourth. Eventually you come to a point where you look at all the decisions you made and wonder what if i chose differently.. The curve ball of this is if one piece is change then.. poof.. that’s life.

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Life and a Curveball